Pharrell Williams – Happy (Official Music Video)

Hope this video makes you smile 🙂

Bucket list # 12 : Identify 100 things that make me happy

1-Jack 

2-My boyfriend

3-When I’m with my cousins 

4-My little sisters

5-My mom 

6-The sun 

7-Blogging 

8-Music 

9-Watching the wendy william show

10–Watching Ted Talks

11-Talking to A.

12-Talking to P.

13-Talking to M.

14-Talking to my best girlfriend 

15-Going to the beach 

16-Watching Greys anatomy

17-Watching Scandal

18-Being able to sleep

20-Traveling 

21-Volunteering 

22-Doing my nails 

23-Playing with my nieces 

24- Planning my wedding 

25-Thinking about psychology research 

26- Painting 

27-Decorating 

28-Doing craft 

29- Collecting quotes 

30-Reading a good book 

31-Shopping in thrift stores 

32-Having a me day 

33- Reading other blogs 

34-Learning 

35- Planning a new project 

36- Taking pictures 

37-Cooking 

38- Going to the restaurant 

39- Baking with my mom 

40- Having meaningful conversations 

41-Playing tennis 

42-swimming 

43- Bubble bath 

44-Getting a massage 

45- Outdoor activities 

46-When my boyfriend surprises me 

47-Seeing happy animals 

48- Collecting journals 

49-Learning on Youtube

50- Watching comedies 

51- Going to the movies 

52- Going to shows and concerts 

53-Hanging out with a couple of friends 

54- A cold beer 

55- Making love with bf 

56-Meeting interesting people 

57-When I get out of my comfort zone and I like it 

58-Feeling pretty

59-Feeling loved

60-Feeling sexy

getting hard here….

61-When I get a brilliant idea 

62-Writing 

63-Playing scrabble 

64-Meditating 

65-Doing Yoga

66-Helping others 

67-taking a hot shower 

68-Eating peanut butter sandwich

69-Doing research

70-Dancing

71-Looking at old pictures

72-My first cup of coffee of the day

73-Playing with Jack

74-Seeing other people succeed  

75-Cuddling with bf 

76-Laughing with bf 

77-Eating Pizza 

78-Christmas 

79-Giving gifts 

80-Getting gifts 

81-Birthdays 

82-Flowers 

83-observing art 

84-Eating something new

85-Hugs

86-Being relaxed

87-Not having my periods

88-Cleaning and organizing other people’s  closet 

89-laughing

90-naps

92-biking

93-hiking

94-Star and moon gazing

95-Watching the snow fall 

96-The smell of the rain 

97-Drinking coke

98-Eating hot brownies and ice cream 

99-Being on the beach at night listening to the sound of the wave

100- Being me 🙂 

 

 

 

Blessings!

I got the job i’m starting on Monday  and I have another interview for another job tomorrow! So I’m flying back to Port au Prince tomorrow morning. I can’t believe it :). I told you today was gonna be great!! 

I was hopeless when I started that blog, I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now the universe seems to be working with me… I was fighting it but when I finally let go, everything started falling in place. What I have learned from it is not to worry about things that I can’t control. My anxiety level is extremely high right now because I have to take care of plane tickets, and reschedule the interview but I  know I’m gonna be just fine. 

I’m doing breathing exercises while blogging, It’s helping. I turned off my phone for a moment so I can relax a little bit. Sometimes its necessary to take a mini break and regroup. I would like to thank you all for the support you gave me in my toughest hours. I don’t think I would be in the place I’m right now if it weren’t for you. Reading everyone’s blogs, reading your comments made me feel like I belonged somewhere, like I mattered. I had a reason to wake up in the morning, because people were expecting to read me. It also allowed me to make a lot of research and share it. I’ve learned a lot from all the documentaries and YouTube videos I watched, finally I didn’t feel crazy doing it because you actually appreciated me putting them up. 🙂 So thank you again! 

My gift to you is hope. I can promise you that life will get better. Sometimes a blessing is disguised as a curse. Look at me being all philosophical! But I’m telling the truth…I’ve been on the edge of suicide, I have felt pain that I wouldn’t wish on my worse enemy…Hope kept me alive…It’s the last thread to hold on to, I can call more faith because sometimes you don’t have anything concrete to keep you going. Faith is blind, it’s trusting without guarantee, it’s scary but it cam save your life.

That’s all for today! Kisses!

 

Yes my boy… You got caught!

Ok! It was the last picture of Jack’s photo shoot 🙂 I hope these pics made you smile 🙂

These are the moment in my life that I remember that there must be God!

I got my work permit people!! I’m so happy! And it’s until 2015!  So no immigration stress for a while :). My prayers where heard! just 2 days before the other one expired! I need to pray tonight to say thank you! 

Thank you to you, my loves! You kept my anxiety at a minimum by showing me that you cared :). My problems are not solved but it’s a HUGE weight lifted of my shoulder. Now I need to renew the visa to come back to Canada after the holidays ( The beautiful immigration system!). Anyways, this means I am free now! I can travel the world :). (not really but I’m gonna take it like that for today).

The excitement is gone now because I still need to find out how I’m gonna renew my visa. But I’m hopeful that everything is gonna be okay. 

Night my loves! 

 

My Baby is Happy :)

He got to run up and down the stairs and he found one of his bones Jack could not be happier :). His ability to be happy so easily inspires me! I love you Jiboooo:)

Maybe happy is doable…

I haven’t post all day but I have a good reason. Today I had a full schedule and I actually enjoyed it. When I woke up this morning my boyfriend went to buy me croissants before going home ( we don’t live together) then my friend called me, she told me she was in Montreal for the weekend and she wanted to see me. I said yes but around 1 PM, I felt tired and I tried to cancel… She didn’t listen to me and told me she was on a mission to get me out of the house today. So she picked me up spent three hours together talking, I actually enjoyed it. 

Today was also one of my other good friend’s birthday. She came to pick me up after work, we were suppose to go chill at her place and try to bake a cake. He roommate sent me a text in the morning to tell me they were trowing her a surprise dinner in the evening. So when she came over convinced her to go buy a cake instead. The surprise went very well, she had a bad day at work and it was exactly what she needed.When we thought the night could not get any better all of us had the surprise of our life. Her mom came to visit her from the Caribbeans! We were shocked  because she didn’t tell anybody that she was coming and she is a very good person to be around. Seeing all that joy and that love actually made me happy. Yes people, these past two day I felt an emotion I forgot existed, not excitement, not appreciation but happiness…

I can’t remember the last time I felt happy, it’s been years and I didn’t think that small events like that could make me reach that state. I know it might seem stupid for people who doesn’t suffer from a mental illness but that’s a big step for me and I’m taking it with humility and appreciation because I don’t know the next time that will happen to me again. For those who are feeling like there is no hope try to take that little of my life and hold on to it. Two weeks ago the only solution I found to ease my pain was cutting and I found relief in knowing that I would eventually find a way to kill myself effectively.

I’m not cured, not at all. I have years of psychotherapy ahead of me and hopefully only months of medication but I’m starting to see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how tiny it is, I hold on to it because it’s better than complete darkness. I think I’m lucky to have a good support system but I have to tell you that when I first got diagnosed I lost a lot of friends and got estranged from my family in Canada. Now I have two very good friends, we started hanging out this year and we’ve been there for each other to everything we had to go through. I’ve known A.(the birthday girl) all my life but we were never close but when she heard I was depressed she asked me every single day how my day went and the relationship went on to be very deep. I met M. 3 years ago because our boyfriends are friends. Around Christmas of last year we went shopping together then we never stopped talking, we just clicked. 

I’m still disappointed that my closest friends in Canada ( at least I thought they were) made fun of me or just simply stop talking to me but I’m glad I found new ones that are much better quality. I finally felt like I had real friends, I wasn’t there just to give them legal information or help them with school, I could be myself without judgement and they genuinely wanted to spend time with me. I’m saying that because since I’ve been in Canada I was the friend that helped out with serious issues but wasn’t invited to the parties, unless they needed something from me. I always knew that but I didn’t think I could do better and I thought I still had my real friends back home but the truth is that with the distance you cannot get real support from the ones who love you. 

I also did not tell my best friends ( Mi.E and R) that I was sick because I did not want to worry them while there was nothing they could do for me. Without them knowing it was easier for me to talk to them because they still saw me as the girl they knew and I could remind myself that I was once happy. It was a tough transition period but I’m glad I got to know who actually were worth my time and energy. I’m very intense and my sensitivity and empathy level are too high. I used to share them with everyone around me but it takes a lot of energy and now I’m learning to discriminate the important from the useless. Because being able to share the pain of others like they are mine drains me emotionally.

So lesson of the day : there is hope, hold on to it.

Goodnight

Play session with Jack :)

I just ran four flights of stairs with Jack! He still wants to run, I’m exhausted but damn it felt good! There is no better antidepressant than a pet 🙂 I would like to thank everyone who followed, commented or liked posts on my blog. I started blogging for myself but it is motivating to have an audience. It also made me realize how minor acts can change one’s mood. I’ve been in dark places last week and writing and getting advice from you helped me a lot!

I haven’t cut myself for three weeks now and I hope to stay like that. I’m happy I found a venue to be myself without judgement. I would also like to encourage you, my fellow bloggers (I guess I can call myself that now..) to keep on writing and encouraging others to do so. Most of you suffer or are interested mental illness so you probably know the therapeutic effects of sharing your thoughts.

I’m not going to school tomorrow after all, I’ll just stay in study at home. I really regret taking that class, I took it so I could force myself to do have some kind of schedule and be more active but it’s not really working. I’m going to have good grades but the fact that I can pass without having to go to the lectures are not motivating at all. Oh Well…Maybe next semester I should take online classes so I wouldn’t have to feel ”bad” not going to school. Enough complaining, I’m feeling good and I want to share the joy tonight 🙂

Jack still wants to play! That little ball of fur never gets tired! I need to give him a shower and trim is hair by the way. Now he’s under the bed doing god know what Lol. I always get surprises from him when I clean my room.Last time I found lemons! He has a thing for vegetables I don’t know what it is but he loves to play with them, it amazes me because he has a lot of toys. But it’s also more stories to tell 🙂 What else is good about life right now? It’s coldddddd if it could at least snow so I can enjoy watching it fall through my windows! There’s a tree in the back of my house, I can see it from my living room windows, It’s gonna be gorgeous when it turns white. I’ll make sure to take pictures! Or I can paint it! Why not 🙂 So that’s about it for tonight, maybe I’ll post an opinion piece later Night Night !