Category Archives: A to Z Challenge

Z for Zen


Today is the last day of the A to Z challenge. It was quite hard at the end because I had less time to blog. My first day in Haiti went well I slept most of the day then I went around the house and took pictures.
I felt a feeling of peace surround me. I was home, sitting on the porch, the wind on my skin, watching Jack running around the yard, listening to the sound of birds. I had a book with me but I was enjoying the moment too much to pick it up. I sat there, happy and grateful for the wonders of nature.

Meditation is one of the best medication for anxiety and Mindfulness works greatly for depression. I started practicing mindfulness around october and it really helped me find my inner peace. I meditate mostly when I can’t sleep but you don’t have to meditate to practice mindfulness. It’s about staying in the present and noticing what’s going on around you. When you make silence your friend, you are able to see clearly, to notice the beauty of your surroundings, to stay positive, to be at peace.


Y for yup

Yup! I did it! I moved! And I only cried once! I  landed at 3, got home at 5 and my mom made me a delicious dinner!
And it was healthy! I was happy to be home, although extremely tired. Jack behaved very well on the plane. I’m such a proud mama!


He loves the house! He has to much space to play. And he wants to play with the cats…the cats are scared…
I met a lady on the plane who gave me infos about a psychological research project on ptsd, I have to contact the people to see if I can volunteer.
I’m not sure my mom realizes how serious I am about studying psychology. I’m gonna start a certificate in psychology online, hopefully when I go back to canada I have enough credits to be considered for the phd at McGill. So that’s where I’m at now. The journey has officially started!

X for ?

I have no idea what x is for maybe its x the variable. I’ve been packing all day so I don’t have much time to blog.
I’m at the airport right now, with Jack everything is going smoothly. I’m really happy that I took priority boarding it’s making my life easier right now. I’m very tired though I hope I get some sleep on the plane.

Now my life is full of unknown variables but I guess it’s okaym

U for Unbreakable (Or poem to my abuser)

S. for Suicide

During the crisis part of my depression, I’ve felt suicidal to a point that I go scared of what I could do to myself.

What to do when you feel suicidal

1) Try to calm down: the first thing I would do was to try to calm down. Watch a funny show, write on my journal, take a walk, play with my dog, anything that could make me feel better. If that did not work I would try seek outside help.

2) Try to talk to someone you know: I made a list with my psychologist of people I could contact in case I felt like hurting myself. The first person of course was Bf. So I would call them or text them. Most of the time I was ashamed to tell them that I felt suicidal, so I would just talk to them, tell them was not feeling well. I’d ask my boyfriend to come over or to stay with me on the phone until I sleep. Support from family and friends is crucial, most of the time, after talking to someone close I was able to calm the pain.

3) Contact a Help line: I’ve actually never done that, but some of my friends did and it helped them. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger. So if you don’t have anybody to talk to , try calling a help line.

4) Look for Help online: Online forums saved my life multiple times. At a point in my life it was the only place where I could find people feeling like I did. Then I discovered WordPress which is even better. I use to go to a site (I think), where people would post how they felt, it was helpful because I would comment on others post telling them there is hope. Then I realized that if I didn’t wan’t others to commit suicide maybe I should think the same for myself.

5) Call 911 or Check in a hospital: This happened once to me and it was the scariest experience of my life. I had already cut myself during the night, I cried for 2 hours or more and I destroyed a Teddy Bear with a knife. I was escalating, and I had the means to hurt myself seriously. I could not reach my boyfriend, I was too scared to call the Help line, I didn’t want to get committed by force. So I went to the hospital and checked myself in. It wasn’t pleasant but at least I was safe. I checked out in the morning, they informed my psychiatrist and my social worker so I could get more support. I hated the experience but I’m glad I did , because I’m alive and well now.


R for Resilience

We talked about resilience, and how it’s an important skill to master. Resilience is a matter of survival. Here are my 5 favorite quotes about resilience:

“My scars remind me that I did indeed survive my deepest wounds. That in itself is an accomplishment. And they bring to mind something else, too. They remind me that the damage life has inflicted on me has, in many places, left me stronger and more resilient. What hurt me in the past has actually made me better equipped to face the present.” 
― Steve Goodier

“Resilience is not a commodity you are born with, waiting silently on tap. It is self-manufactured painstakingly over time by working through your problems and never giving up, even in the face of difficulty or failure.” 
― Lorii MyersNo Excuses, The Fit Mind-Fit Body Strategy Book

“Hearts who struggled worst never gives up on possibilities when finding solutions reaching out for others’ loss & despair.” 

― Angelica Hopes

“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
-Theodore Roosevelt

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, 
nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.



Q for …Quality time

I’m sick, so I’m not inspired at all. I think I have the flu. I didn’t take the flu vaccine this year and I have asthma. I think I’ve been paying for it all winter.
Today bf is off today, so we were  suppose to have some quality time together. I guess we wont.. We’re watching TV. I usually lay down on him but I don’t want him to catch it. My sister in law works at a homeless shelter, and she caught the flu a month ago. Every time she beats it she catches it again. Maybe the government should give free flu shots for people under the poverty line. I know it’s free for the ones who have health problems,but I don’t know about the homeless.. hhum

Let’s go back to quality time? What’s your idea of quality. Time?

P for patience and projects

I’m a very impatient person, and it’s something I’m trying to fight. Because it affects my emotions and my self control which is very bad. When people don’t act at the speed. I would like them too… I tend to loose my temper, usually I stay polite, but my face shows my obvious lack of esteem for the other person.

I’ve been working on that by lowering my expectations towards others.   Not everyone function at the same speed. I’m now patient towards my friends and family. We’ll see how it goes when I start working.

My biggest challenge though is patience toward my self. I have none. I know that I learn fast so I expect my brain to work at least at the his speed prior my depression. It’s not fully there yet, but it’s working pretty well. I tend to overuse it because of my lack of patience.. and we all know what comes after that! Burn out! So tonight I’m forcing myself not to work on my website until tomorrow. Let me. Add after coffee. And I have to take a shower. I’m really one of those who forget about everything else when they have a project. I didn’t even watch my tv shows!

My blog was my first project since my depression and I think I’ve put it somewhere descent. So the next step, the website, should be my project for the next six months. Maybe I’ll have enough content to write about how to create a blog, gain follower, make a website and succeed at it in a year!

When I first started blogging I really did it for myself I need to get some secrets out of my system. Then I got my first 10 followers, then 50 then 100. People commented, and I commented on theirs, I felt like going to check on my wordpress friends was a duty. It was also a reason to stay alive. Then I started getting award… trust me it helps your self esteem. Once I got to that point it became an addiction I wanted more. The big difference between when I just started blogging and now is that I wanted to blog for myself, but now I want to blog for myself ANd for the world and I want to be great at it.

So my project requires patience. I need to be patient and know my limits, take the time to reflect or meditate everyday so I don’t get overwhelmed by the exterior world.


Quote of the night

“When you stop pretending to be who you are not and start being yourself, there is a big risk: significant people in your life may not accept you and leave. Yet, when you stop being yourself and pretend to be who you are not, there is a much bigger risk: the people who would accept and love you just as you are, may not accept you and leave.” 
― Franco Santoro

O for order, organizing… and ADHD


Organizing… and ADHD


Young woman organizing clothes in the wardrobe Stock Photography

I’m not the lady in the picture.  Far from it, I’m very messy. My room looks more like that.

Messy room Royalty Free Stock Photography

When I clean finally clean my room it’s usually spotless. Because I’m an overachiever even in cleaning. It’s stays like that for a couple of days.

Trendy bedroom Royalty Free Stock Images

However, when it comes to anything written, I’m a great organizer. I need order in my life, I file my papers, use an agenda, and I’m always planning something. I’m flexible though, let’s c usually when I’m planning something, I have plan A to D, sometimes more.  I usually use my journals as Agendas, because It gives me more space to do whatever I want in them, and since my pans are usually date specific, it doesn’t matter. I don’t plan my daily activities, although I should. I’m more of a long term planner.



Agenda Royalty Free Stock Photography

Do you know what I like to do more than organizing my life? Organizing other people’s life. I’m always looking for ways to work better, faster, because I hate wasting my times. (At least I use to when I use to work). So I would create all these organizing tools and share with my coworkers, so we didn’t waste time on paperwork. It wasn’t appreciated everywhere. I do that for my friends too… when the get confused about what they want to do in life, I help them put it on paper so they are able to choose rationally what works for them.

Adhd boy Stock Photography

My boyfriend is the worse at planning. Because he has ADHD it’s very difficult for him to focus. He only got diagnosed last year, he had no idea. They made him think he was dumb for years although he’s brilliant. (When a subject interests him. )What I’ve realized is that there is no point of expecting him to plan anything related to our relationship because i’d likely be disappointed. So I do it my self. I’ve come to learn how he functions, and understand his learning style (I did a lot of research about that). He is good with routine, he has established a routine in his life and he need his personal idem organized or he gets lost of frustrated. He has a bit of dyslexia also, so it’s harder for him to focus at work.

From times to times, about every three months or so, when he asks, I help him organize his days and develop a pattern for work. He’s in sales, and he has a talent for bringing people in. If only he could stay organized and not get lost or loose focus he would excel at it. It’s very hard to do that though in a world that only understand one type of intelligence. He tries very hard, and he’s been working where he is for 2 years now, that’s a record for him. I think he finally realized that working in sales is a perfectly suitable job. Of course his parents bothers him, about not working in the fields he studied, but to what end? To be bored in unproductive? To have a job title that doesn’t mean anything to him?

ADHD in adults is often misunderstood. It’s not easy living with someone who has it, it can get really frustrating, but I’ve learned to use his strengths for the better. So he does the physical organizing, and I do the life organization. I still push him from time to times to try to focus and do some written activities like his taxes. It took us a lot of time because I had to bring his focus back to it often , but I helped him and he was happy he did it.  I don’t think anyone should feel dumb because they learn differently, it would be more beneficial to the world if we used our differences to grow.

I’ve written double of the word  restriction for the challenge so I’ll stop now.