The breeze make me wanna sleep. I think i’m gonna take a nap.
Monthly Archives: December 2013
OMG I’m so tired! I haven’t blogged for ever! I haven’t had time to breathe since Christmas, I have a lot of socializing to do. Where do I start? The diner at my bf’s family on the 25th went well, I actually had 2 dinner parties that day so I was out from 2 pm to 12 am. The 26th my boyfriend wanted to go to Bob Sinclair, but before we had to go to a friend’s birthday party, so we went there around 10pm then we to Bob Sinclair around midnight, it was fun, the party ended at 10 Am. We stayed until 6 Am then I spent the day sleeping. I was sick the whole day! First I thought I was hungover then I realized I did not drink that much the night before. I thought it was seafood allergies because I felt better when I took some benadryl, but it was Seroquel withdrawal! I went to my cousin’s wedding on Saturday, it was simple and beautiful, the music was very good also, there was an open bar, my boyfriend was tipsy. I didn’t touch any alcohol cause I was too scared to get sick again.
Yesterday we went to the beach! Finally! I was so happy! Not only the scenery was beautiful but bf and I got to enjoy some alone time. I had a very bad night though…I’m really considering going back on the Seroquel. My mood has been stable, but the nausea, the vomiting and the itching is hell. But I’m also tempted to hold on just one more day, hoping the symptoms will go away. Just took it. I can’t take it anymore I’ll go see a doctor so he an get me off it properly. I’m gonna try to finish this post without falling asleep.
So far Haiti has been great. Except for my sister, she had one of he crisis yesterday, she broke a bottle of amaretto on purpose because she was mad. This will be subject of another post, when I will be less tired. I had two small panic attacks because I was in crowded places but I managed to control them well. Bf has been a charm this pass week, he’s really been there to support me and he makes me happy. He’d also been very patient and understanding with me, which is a huge help. It’s very hard to explain depression to my family so I simply don’t talk about it. I’ve been feeling better this week so I didn’t have to hide my feelings, people always like happy feelings.
I’m passing out, so I’m just gonna publish it like that. I hope you guys are well, I hope I’ll find time tomorrow to write because I have a lot to tell you!
“Many of us are returning from a long journey during which we were forced to search for things that were of no interest to us. Now we realize that they were false. But this return cannot be made without pain, because we have been away for a long time and feel that we are strangers in out own land. It will take some time to find the friends who also left, and the places where our roots and treasures lie. But this will happen.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Witch Of Portobello
Day 2 in Haiti! I woke up at 2PM a. Whole bunch of miss calls was waiting for me. My mom had time to go out and come back. Bf was out too. I drank my coffee, ate breakfast and now we’re decorating. I don’t know what I’m gonna do for the rest of the day. My mom is cooking, she got us a maid for the month but I guess she gave her something else to do.
I think my two guy best friends are gonna force me out of my house. A. Got me a book called the Happiness project. Just started reading it, it seems very interesting. The author is Gretchen Rubin, let me know what you think about it if you read it.
I’m happy it’s not too hot, I’m outside, I have to go put snow flakes on a tree. I find it very ironic, a tropical christmas with snow flakes lol.
Food is ready! Eating on the table is not negotiable so i’ll post later!
I’m getting ready to travel. I’ve been very busy. I found a renter. I’ve been running around all day, now I have to pack I’m taking a 10 minutes break so I wanted to let you guys know that I’m still Okay. I’ve been busy, but in a good mood. I probably wont be posting before Monday.
Have a nice weekend! Kisses
This is a very important video. I had a safety plan with my psychologist and it really helped. I signed a contract promising that I wont hurt myself before contacting a list of people. It didn’t really help with my self harm, but it really helped for suicide. I think just the thought of breaking a contract discouraged me. Recognizing my triggers really helped too. I admitted myself in a hospital once because I felt like I was loosing control and I couldn’t reach my boyfriend. I did not like the experience but at least I was safe. I just spent the night there, saw a psychiatrist in the morning than my boyfriend came to pick me up.So if you feel like you are loosing control, please admit yourself! It’s better to admit yourself than getting admitted by force because you get to choose when you can go home.I didn’t want to go home though, I was scared. I asked my boyfriend to spend the week with me and it really helped. I know it’s not easy to find someone to be there for you, for those who live alone I would suggest that you get a pet. I lowers the feeling of loneliness. Also, Jack for example knows when I’m sad, he comes to me, smells my tears, then sometimes he just stays in front of me and stares at me, or he go find one of his toys and try to make me play. Sometimes all you need is a couple minute of distraction from your dark thoughts to take back control of your mind. Now I remember, because I haven’t used it for a couple of months, there’s a website called suicide project. It’s not one of these websites where you get a lecture of how suicide is wrong and that you should be grateful to be alive. People with suicidal thoughts just go there, write about how they feel, their intentions, and others helped them. What I likes about it was that everybody was messed up, so there was no judgment. During my dark times, I would spend the night just trying to keep other people from killing themselves, and sometimes I would write. One day it occurred to me: why don’t I have hope for myself? I’m trying to give hope to others and I genuinely believe that they can get better. Why don,t I do the same for myself.Helping others is my calling, when I do it I feel like I matter, like I’m not consuming the earth’s resources pointlessly. For you it could be something else, you don’t have to look very far,find something you enjoy doing instinctively.And when you feel like giving up, go do it…It might give you a little taste of life.
Wow I didn’t plan on writing that much! Anyways, Stay Strong my loves.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a psychotherapeutic approach that addresses dysfunctional emotions, maladaptive behaviors and cognitive processes and contents through a number of goal-oriented, explicit systematic procedures. The name refers to behavior therapy, cognitive therapy, and to therapy based upon a combination of basic behavioral and cognitive principles and research. Most therapists working with patients dealing with anxiety and depression use a blend of cognitive and behavioral therapy. This technique acknowledges that there may be behaviors that cannot be controlled through rational thought. CBT is “problem focused” (undertaken for specific problems) and “action oriented” (therapist tries to assist the client in selecting specific strategies to help address those problems).
I’m always confused about the different kind of Bipolar disorders. I really like how she explains it. Very easy to understand!