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INSOMNIA

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ITS KILLING MEEEE

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Am I depressed?

You might be depressed if you experience 5 or more of these symptoms for more than 2 weeks. 

  • You lose interest for things you usually enjoy 
  • You feel sad, cry for no reason 
  • You are always tired, no energy 
  • You sleep too much
  • You have difficulty sleeping  
  • You have gained weight very quickly 
  • You lost you appetite 
  • You feel guilty, worthless 
  • It’s hard for you to concentrate 
  • It’s hard for you to take simple decisions 
  • You can’t stay still or you don’t feel like you can move 
  • You think about death and suicide   (please get help immediately) 

 

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1- Get help! 

In Canada you can consult your general physician, he will make the diagnosis and refer you to the proper channels. The Canadian healthcare system is well equipped to give you complete team of mental health professionals. One website that helped me was www.depressionhurts.ca/. If you live in Quebec, you should definitely go to a CLSC they were the most helpful. 

If you feel like you are loosing control or yourself, you have a suicide plan, please contact a suicide help line or CALL 911 

If you work, check with your employer (HR) if they have a help program for employees, it’s becoming very common.

Most school and Universities have Health care professionals on site. They are usually free. Remember that depression is an illness like any other one, it needs to be treated by a health care professional. 

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2- After the diagnosis 

So the doctor gave you the diagnosis, you have clinical depression (or major depression) what do you do next? 

Try to find a psychologist, register for a psychiatrist and look for a support group. You can find all these information online. There are many free mental health support groups they help a lot. You might have to wait to get psychologist, finding a psychiatrist will take even longer but in the mean time there is no harm in looking for support elsewhere. Online forums and blogs helped me a lot. 

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3- They prescribed you meds

Many times, when it’s a general physician who prescribed your medication, he won’t take time to explain what they are and what to expect from them. Do your research, ask questions to your pharmacist. 

When are your depression medications gonna start to work ? 

They usually take 4 to 6 weeks to kick in, so you need patience. You are not gonna feel high are super happy from them, the change is gonna be slight but it might make a big difference. They also might not work, it generally takes a couple of adjustments before they find the perfect combination of meds. 

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4-Schedule you days 

If you are depressed, your agenda is your best friend. Your memory probably sucks and you don’t feel like doing anything so you will need some extra help. 

-Make a list of what you like to do (or what you used to like) 

-Make a list of what you have to do 

Now schedule your days to do: 

1 chore per day (It might be just to do 1 load of laundry) 

1 activity you like (taking a nice bath for example) 

1 physical activity (In the beginning it might mean 5 minutes walk around the block) 

and try to get outside everyday. It will be hard to do  all of them at first but be compassionate towards yourself. 

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5-If you have trouble sleeping 

This is a huge reason why you are so tired when you’re depressed. The body can’t work properly when it’s sleep deprived. If you have trouble falling asleep here are some tips that  can help you: 

-Turn off all electronics when you are ready to sleep 

-Don’t go to bed before you’re sleepy 

-Avoid naps (very hard I know… I tried spending my days out of the house so I could resist) 

-Try meditation (You can find guided meditation to sleep videos on YouTube) 

-Drink something hot before bed 

-Do some relaxation exercises 

My biggest problem with sleep was that I had very bad sleep quality. I kept waking up. I had to take sleeping pills. Most sleeping pills are addictive when they are not taken properly and when you are not followed by a doctor. I was on them for about 3 months then he took me off them. I still don’t sleep but it’s a choice now. 

6- Journal 

Journaling is proven to help depression. This will help you keep your sanity. Most of the time, you won’t find people who really understand what you’re going through, and journaling is a great way to get out those feelings that are eating you alive. You can burn them when you finish writing, what’s important is that you stop ruminating. You can find online some websites that give you journal topics or you can just Google self help tools for depression and you will find plenty of tools to help you sort out your feelings. 

This is it for my how to guide for depression. I will explore the subject further in other mini posts. 

Kisses! 

 

P for patience and projects

I’m a very impatient person, and it’s something I’m trying to fight. Because it affects my emotions and my self control which is very bad. When people don’t act at the speed. I would like them too… I tend to loose my temper, usually I stay polite, but my face shows my obvious lack of esteem for the other person.

I’ve been working on that by lowering my expectations towards others.   Not everyone function at the same speed. I’m now patient towards my friends and family. We’ll see how it goes when I start working.

My biggest challenge though is patience toward my self. I have none. I know that I learn fast so I expect my brain to work at least at the his speed prior my depression. It’s not fully there yet, but it’s working pretty well. I tend to overuse it because of my lack of patience.. and we all know what comes after that! Burn out! So tonight I’m forcing myself not to work on my website until tomorrow. Let me. Add after coffee. And I have to take a shower. I’m really one of those who forget about everything else when they have a project. I didn’t even watch my tv shows!

My blog was my first project since my depression and I think I’ve put it somewhere descent. So the next step, the website, should be my project for the next six months. Maybe I’ll have enough content to write about how to create a blog, gain follower, make a website and succeed at it in a year!

When I first started blogging I really did it for myself I need to get some secrets out of my system. Then I got my first 10 followers, then 50 then 100. People commented, and I commented on theirs, I felt like going to check on my wordpress friends was a duty. It was also a reason to stay alive. Then I started getting award… trust me it helps your self esteem. Once I got to that point it became an addiction I wanted more. The big difference between when I just started blogging and now is that I wanted to blog for myself, but now I want to blog for myself ANd for the world and I want to be great at it.

So my project requires patience. I need to be patient and know my limits, take the time to reflect or meditate everyday so I don’t get overwhelmed by the exterior world.

Kisses

INSOMNIA

I slept at 6 Am this morning. I had a very productive night, I learned how to create a website but at what cost? I woke up at 2 Pm drank my coffee, went back on Youtube to find videos to post and learn more about having my own website. I’m exhausted, I feel weak like I’m gonna catch a cold I don’t know what’s going on with me. If I take a nap right now, it will be impossible for me to sleep tonight, and I need a good night sleep. An uninterrupted 8 h sleep. I haven’t had that in a while.

 

I write most of my quality content at night, and I learn faster, but I really need to find another time frame for my creativity. I can’t go on like this, I think I’ll go back to a place I never wanna see again if I do. At the same time, my blog is the reason I wake up in the morning, I don’t have anything else to do, and I actually don’t want to do anything else. I just love writing! I’ve always had a hard time finding balance in life…

Hey, It’s Not About You: Skyler McCurine

Skyler McCurine, is redefining the standard of beauty in America. As a personal stylist, public speaker, wonder woman and founder of Le Red Balloon, she is educating young women on the media’s impact on their perception of their self, their bodies, and the world. Skyler reminds her clients that they are beautiful, just as they are, not after 20 pounds or after a new wardrobe, but just as they are, today. Her unique blend of humor, compassion, and gumption truly set her and her business apart. Driven by the lackluster stereotypical portrayal of women in the media, she leads workshops for teenage girls and professional women around conscious media consumption, leadership, self-acceptance, personal branding, and of course, style. When Skyler is not busy trying to change the world, she is brazenly venturing through it, getting lost in the beauty, and leaving a trail of red balloons behind her. She enjoys jazz, decoupaging, laughter, bare feet and occasionally indulges in copious amounts of champagne.

A fellow blogger committed suicide

I won’t say her name, she was not on WordPress and I can’t verify that information. Reportedly she suffered from depression. He blog was about empowering black girls, making them proud of their natural beauty. I feel sad because it’s another proof how depression doesn’t show on someone’s face. That girl used her gift to help others and she needed help herself. The taboo of mental illness is very dangerous. I only started feeling better, when I allowed myself to tell others I was depressed and I wasn’t ashamed of it.

I don’t really know what to say because I didn’t know her, but when someone commits suicide I can relate, and it pains me because it can be avoided. I feel like there is a mental health crisis everywhere and people just bury their head in the sand! People are screaming for help and  no one seem to realize the gravity of the situation. A lot of efforts are being made but a lot more needs to be done, we need to stop the stigma! Increase the awareness!

We cannot keep loosing such talented lives because  their illness is not taken seriously enough. The internet is a good way for us to share our feeling and talk about our struggles. I know the WordPress community is doing a lot in terms of awareness and blogging has helped me personally to find a meaning in life.

I want to say to all of you , keep up the good work! Every post, every comment, makes a difference. We have to continue the work because it’s important.  For the ones who read us, we are there for you, depression is a very dark cave where it’s hard to find a way out. But there is a way out… you have to keep hope and faith. The pain is so hard sometimes, so deep, you cannot breathe, you don’t see yourself going on like that… Some days you wish you could die just for a couple of days… to have a break…with life. I think the only solution is patience.

Personally the  combination of therapy and medication worked for me. Therapy is the most important, not only talking to a psychologist, but also meditation, mindfulness, writing, everything that can help you clear you mind. I remember I use to postpone my death, for a week, a month, a year. Give myself small goals or rewards, to get through the week. It’s hard I know… if you can’t do it by yourself it’s okay… go to the emergency room… it’s not a fun thing, they treat you like you’re crazy, unless you are lucky and find a good nurse, but at least you will be safe. Sometimes a night in the ER is enough to keep your compulsions in check.

Anyways! That’s all for today! Remember… there is always hope. Help is available, don’t be ashamed, depression is a deadly disease.

Kisses!

When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough

 

Dr. Martin M. Antony is Director of the Anxiety Research and Treatment Lab at Ryerson University and Immediate Past-President of the Canadian Psychological Association. Dr. Martin Antony is also currently a professor and Graduate Program Director at Ryerson University.

I’m hungry!

I’ve been having night cravings! Since yesterday. Probably because I sleep way too late. Sleeping during the day helps me stay away from food (although it’s not why I do it), but my insomnia makes me hungry. Today it’s worse because I didn’t eat enough, my sister in law ate my quinoa cookies. Oh well… Tomorrow I wanna make crepes, if I wake up early. Or maybe eggs, that will make me eat less for dinner. I have no idea what I’m gonna cook. Any ideas ? Ohh maybe lemon chicken breast with roasted potatoes and a salad. Sounds easy enough… I’m gonna need to buy the chicken though… There ‘s only pork in the fridge. I could do some white fish ceviche on Wednesday, it’s good with fried plantains though, I don’t know how many calories that is.

Am I gonna spend the whole post talking about food? It’s making me more hungry! I really need to go out tomorrow, I have to take care of some paperwork but it’s so hard for me to get out of this house! Just the thought of putting on my coat turns me off. Jack would be happy though! Hum maybe I’ll take him with me to the groceries, but I’m scared of leaving him outside by himself, he’s so cute what if somebody steals him? I would never forgive myself!

I really don’t know how you guys bare to read my ramblings. I promise I’ll post something well structured later. For the moment you are visiting inside my head. 

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I’m starting to be sleepy so I’m gonna try to close my eyes and see if sleep will come to me. Good night my fellow insomniacs.

Kisses!

Meditation quote of the night

You might be looking for reasons but there are no reasons.
Nina LaCour

Wellcast – How to Sleep Better

Do you lie in bed for hours, staring at the clock? Do you wake up feeling groggy and slow? Lack of sleep can do a lot more make you have a bad morning—it can hurt your mental and physical health. Today we’re going to show you why getting that shuteye is so important and teach you five easy ways to get all the refreshing sleep you need.