Blog Archives

Female Sexual Shame Hurts Us All | Jennifer Gunsaullus

Have you ever felt ashamed by your sexuality ? I know I’ve often felt shame from liking sex too much or talking about it too much.  I used to  a very bad relationship with sex, probably because of my history of abuse, where I would use my sexuality to make man suffer, in my own way.

The video and the rest of my thoughts about the subject


Living with Dissociative Identity Disorder (Guest post)

Check out this great post from my blogger friend Bonny about DID! 

Silence Isn’t Golden—It’s Red: Daleen Berry at TEDx

This hit close to home 

The Ways Being A Kid Affects You Forever


Brain development during your childhood is critically important. How will some of your experiences affect you in adulthood? Trace is joined by Dr. Kiki Sanford to break down a few of the ways that it will change you for the rest of your life!

Spanking Kids Makes Them Lawbreakers

Spanking misbehaving kids is a topic debated by parents everywhere. And now, with the release of a new study, there appears to be solid, scientific evidence against the practice. Anthony explains what the researchers behind the study uncovered.

Read More:
College Students More Likely to Be Lawbreakers if Spanked as Children, New UNH Research Finds…
“No matter where they live in the world, university students who were spanked as children are more likely to engage in criminal behavior, according to new research by Murray Straus, co-director of University of New Hampshire Family Research Lab.”

Murray A. Straus

Child abuse and neglect and the brain–a review.…
“Developmental psychology and the study of behaviour and emotion have tended to be considered in parallel to the study of neurobiological processes. This review explores the effects of child abuse and neglect on the brain, excluding nonaccidental injury that causes gross physical trauma to the brain.”

Children who are spanked have lower IQs, new research finds
“Children who are spanked have lower IQs worldwide, including in the United States, according to new groundbreaking research by University of New Hampshire professor Murray Straus. The research results will be presented Friday, Sept. 25, 2009, at the 14th International Conference on Violence, Abuse and Trauma, in San Diego, Calif.”

Spare the rod and develop the child…
Children in a school that uses corporal punishment performed significantly worse in tasks involving “executive functioning” — psychological processes such as planning, abstract thinking, and delaying gratification — than those in a school relying on milder disciplinary measures such as time-outs, according to a new study involving two private schools in a West African country.

Spanking and Child Development Across the First Decade of Life­2013-1227
“OBJECTIVE: To examine the prevalence of maternal and paternal spanking of children at 3 and 5 years of age and the associations between spanking and children’s externalizing behavior and receptive vocabulary through age 9.”

Spanking your kids could affect their vocabulary down the road…
“To spank or not to spank: For most American parents, it isn’t a question. The majority of U.S. children have been spanked at some time in their life, despite a robust body of evidence that suggests spanking a child leads to problems in the future.”

Laura (homeless)

You can feel her distress in her voice…nobody should go through that…

A year ago Laura had a job she loved, a car, and a house for her and her two kids. Today, she is lucky that Seattle’s YWCA is helping her move out of a tent community into a hotel room.

I met Laura while she was moving what possessions she had left from Nickelsville, a tent community located just outside of Seattle’s downtown area, to a hotel room provided by the YWCA’s family homelessness program . Her and her kids stayed at Nickelsville for a week after “timing out” from a 30 day shelter. Laura was lucky to have a place to go. Nickelsville is the only tent community that allows children, but living in a tent in not the best situation for young kids. The staff at Nickelsville and several social services agencies work together so that families and single parents with young kids get the help they need.

Violence – a family tradition: Robbyn Peters Bennett

Robbyn Peters Bennett, LMHC, CMHS is a psychotherapist, educator, and child advocate who specializes in the treatment of trauma-related mental health problems resulting from the effects of early childhood stress, abuse and neglect. She is the founder of, a non-profit dedicated to educating the public on the dangers of spanking. She is on the steering committee of The U.S. Alliance to End the Hitting of Children. Robbyn is currently producing a documentary, The Last Resort, about the cultural practice of spanking children.

Travelling AND my mind…

Morning world! It’s 11 AM here, I woke up at 8 Am (so proud of myself) .I’m still sleepy and I will probably go take a nap soon…or maybe I’m going to force myself to get out of the house. Little sister is coming over to eat breakfast hopefully we wont fight because we have such a great time when we actually get along.I need your opinion on something… Do you think I should travel with Jack? There’s a big chance that I spend more then a month in the Caribbeans, usually when I’m there I don’t wanna go back to the cold. But I’m scared that he gets too hot… of that he can’t adapt? I can leave him here so I can find enough motivation to come back early…

They cut the water in our apartment building for the day…I don’t think I need much water today but it’s still annoying… I’m always washing my hands so that’s gonna be a challenge… I just can’t stand dirty hands..I started reading a book , it’s about an Afghan girl that got raped by the Soviets when she was 12, and her family rejected her because she was soiled. She was  then sold and abused multiple time and became a prostitute to survive .It’s very triggering for me but I can’t stop reading these kind of books because abuse happens all around the world and women get stigmatize for it. In the western  world the stigma is more taboo but it’s still present. Sexual abuse steels a person’s self worth, when it happens to kids their innocence get stolen, they don’t get too experience the healthy discovering of sex. People have told me before that I’m lucky I didn’t get rape…like because the man was gentle I got to suffer less…The guilt a kid get from not saying no is incredible and sometimes I wish my step father had actually been violent to me, at least I wouldn’t have had these mixed feelings toward him. I love him and hate him at the same time. I’m not allowed to be in contact with him anymore and I miss him, but I also wish he would get arrested and he would rot in prison. 

I’m glad that I don’t have the constant treat of getting raped in my own house anymore but the fear and the emotions I was conditioned to have are still there.I wish I could talk to someone about it…beside my psychologist because it’s heavy, but every time I talk to someone about it I’m the one that ends up trying to make them feel better. I think my mom thinks I should get over it probably because the actual sexual abuse happened more then ten years ago… But the harassment was there for the last 10 years. Can you imagine sleeping alone in the same house your abuser is? Being scared that in his perversion he doesn’t  try to coerce me into having sex with him. Specially because I hid his secrets for a long time… I think the worse was the fact that he would try to talk to me about it afterword….Can you imagine you dad asking you if you liked it and when you say no he says…”I know you liked it the clitoris is the most sensitive part of the body” … I remember that that day very clearly.. We were stock in traffic and her was telling me we should stop this little game… of course he didn’t stop… I had no way out..I could not just get out of the car…

I’m wondering if he didn’t molest me before that…because I remember I use to trow tantrums because I didn’t want to go back home with him when my mom wasn’t there…But I have no memory of him touching me before  the age of 12…Thank god…I know he was physically abusive with my sister… he once threw a glass at my sister’s head, it barely missed her , but i don’t know if he touched her…I would kill him if he did! He also threatened to kill my mom when they were married… I didn’t know that until they separated..My dad is a sociopath …I have to stop thinking about him has mt dad because he’s not…I’ve been with him  since I was two though… and my mom was never there…he did the parenting…I have most of my childhood memories with him…now I associate even the memory of myself riding a bike for the first time with sex.. How fucked up is that?( excuse my language I trying very hard to stay polite). I’m completely dissociated right now… so I have no emotion toward that what so ever, I’m just looking at it from a rational point of view… Is that a good thing? I don’t think so but I’m not gonna let myself crumble into depression this weekend. I’m mad…but it’s not an emotional rage… it’s cold and distant… I’m scared of myself when I get like that..

I’m going back home in less than a month… and I have to be ready to go trough intensely triggering events, blogging will probably be my therapy. On the bright side I will have the beach, the sun, my family and no responsibilities. I will be able to blog about what’s going on around me… maybe interview some people, upload beautiful pictures and start my research project. I’m trying to stay positive. If I don’t stay at my house my life should be easier. I know we’re gonna be there for the holidays…then my mom’s going back to work in another town so if I go with her everything should be good. I could also stay at my biological dad’s place but he think I’m a child so that would be a pain in my ass. 

I think I’m done for now… I’ll post later my loves! Have a nice a afternoon!