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Asthma please give me a break
My body refuses to adapt to the new weather! It’s been a month now and I’m getting frustrated. I have a second interview for the job I talked to you about tomorrow. I should be happy but I’m feeling stressed out and I don’t know why. I’m not sure it’s about the job, although I’m scared to go back to work, I’m kind of exited to try something new. I can’t really point out what is stressing me out because my life is pretty good right now….Except for my damn lungs!
I NEED JACK!!! I really don’t want him to come via cargo but at this point I’m considering it. Bf still can’t travel back to Canada so I’m even more worried about my baby… Maybe that’s why I’m stressed…I did some Yoga today it felt good. It also seems that I’m getting married next year. Bf haven’t proposed yet, but we already chose a date… We always do our things differently…I can’t wait for him to propose for real though…Because even though I’m planning, it doesn’t seem real. Control freak that I am I already have a spreadsheet, filled with every details I have to plan, but now I have to wait…and I hate waiting.
I think I broke my mom’s car. I gave the car to a guy to drive my aunt home, he told me he was gonna put oil in it. When I got the car back it was making weird noises…the problem is that my mom doesn’t know that I let someone else drive the car…It was a terrible idea…now I feel bad… She’s gonna send it to the mechanics tomorrow I hope It’s nothing important. I guess I do have a lot on my mind…It’s weird how my conception of wedding and marriage has changed, I always wanted to have an expensive ring on my finger, and a romantic proposal but now I don’t care. I kinda wanna tell him to buy me a 25 dollar ring if he feels the need to have a ring to propose and he will give me the real one later. What’s important for me now is to be able to start my life with him. Since I won’t be paying for the wedding, I can enjoy planning it, but if the money was coming out of my pocket, I think I would just have a wedding with 20 people. Now the guest list is at 150..and I’m still waiting on Bf to give me the rest of the list.
I think the stress is not helping my asthma. I didn’t realize I was stressed before now… Hum…I guess I’m still depressed…I’m tired I’m gonna go sleep now…tomorrow will be a better day!
Kisses
News and a very late picture of my Christmas tree
Hey my loves! We have a lot of catching up to do! Happy new year again! I’ve been sick for the past week, I had the flu then yesterday I had an asthma attack. Not fun! I had a huge fight with my sister on Saturday, I think the stress of it made my asthma worse. My mom told me to remove her from my life. To stop caring about what she does, to just be cordial. I think I’m gonna follow her advice. She’s not the first person who’ve told me that. My sister is very manipulative and cruel and I don’t think that’s gonna change. When she’s good I really enjoy her company, but I guess we can love each other from a distance.
I’m trying to come off the Seroquel by myself, I take 25 mg every two days, with no withdrawal effects. I’m very happy about that because I don’t want to go to a doctor. I found a way to make Jack come, so he should be with me by March 🙂 I’m so happy! I think 2014 is the year of change for me. My dad wants me to manage his business for him, and I think my mom found me a job. Now I’m in a dilemma, I didn’t plan on staying in Haiti forever but it sounds very appealing. I would be able to save a lot of money because I have no bills when I’m here. I only have to pay 40 dollars for my cellphone, if I have a car I’m gonna need gas money, but then that will be it. Bf is very exited about the idea, he would move around July, giving him time to save and get all his papers in order. My country is craving for young professionals because most of the kids from middle to upper class went to study abroad. So now there are not enough people to fill the positions.
My only reservation towards that is that I wont be able to study psychology anymore, but when I think about it, I’m still gonna be able to work in the field. And I can get an online degree. I haven’t decided yet, but it’s becoming more and more plausible that I will be staying. I have to decide if I should go back to Canada now to get my stuff and Jack, or just wait for my boyfriend to bring them for me.
I haven’t had time to read other blogs so please comment to let me know how you all are doing. Once I get back on my feel I’ll be more active. I miss you guys! Kisses !
Almost 5 am and I’m conceiving projects…
Hello my fellow insomniac! And those on the other side of the world! It’s 3 Am here and I’m not sleeping, I’m not complaining because at least I’m in a good mood. As you know I’m taking Seroquel and a major side effect of it is weight gain. I am already socially overweight, medically I’m obese. Obviously it comes with self esteem issues but the worse part of it is that I get sick when I don’t have a healthy BMI. I have Asthma , a pretty weak immune system and tiny joints. I’ve always been like that, besides my joint paints that are literally caused by me putting too much weight on them, the asthma and all the infections I tend to get are related to my lifestyle.
So… Confession time!
- I almost never eat fruits or drink juice
- I rarely eat vegetable, unless we count starches then I eat plenty!
- I don’t exercise at all and with the cold coming it’s probably gonna be worse
- I love meat, I’m not sure that’s a problem
- I’m addicted to Coca Cola and peanut butter sandwiches
- I eat out or order at least 5 days a week.
As you can see, there is a strong need for an intervention! So.. I’m going to try to use peer pressure (my followers) as motivation for maintaining a healthier lifestyle. I have thought about juicing for a month then just eating healthy and portion controlled meals. I don’t know how it’s gonna go yet but I’ll use a different section of my blog to post my progress. I’m starting on Monday (Time to binge during the weekend, I think I have a binge eating disorder btw) I’ll take my measurements and weight and my plan for the week. And I will set daily goals such as exercising and eating habit changes. I will also monitor my mood to see if there is really a link between eating habits and depression.
Wow i’m making it hard on myself now! But I promise, I’ll try to do my best! If someone wants to get into the healthy lifestyle journey with me you are more than welcome ! I’m also gonna look for one of these self help books and try to follow it. If I do it I’ll document that also, the easiest part is actually to write about these projects. Of course I’ll still journal everyday, it’s the perfect venue to complain about my life. Please tell me if I write too much… Sometimes I feel like writing then I worry that I become annoying…
greengrowsdark 