N for nice
Posted by greengrowsdark
So N is for nice or why I stopped being Nice. Since I was little people have used the word Nice to describe me. That should be a good thing, but being Nice is often taken for granted. So I was always the one asked to do chores or help someone, my parents had higher expectation of me in term of conduct than my sister. But the worse was being bullied, I never defended myself, because I was Nice. Kids at school would use me, pretending to be my friend so I can give them money, or do something for them. At university, because I was nice, they would ask me to help them with homework and let me do everything. I would pretend that I didn’t understand because I wasn’t loosing anything, I knew that I was gaining more knowledge and they were staying dumb , but at one point, I got tired.
Being the Nice one allowed others to take advantage of me. My so called friends would want to hang out with me only when they needed me, but would not invite me to “cool” places, because I guess being smart makes you uncool. So I stopped being Nice, it took time.
First of all I learned to say NO. It’s incredibly hard but once you own your NOs, you will enjoy it.
I also started thinking about myself first when I’m asked for help, by helping that person am I gonna get harmed in any ways? Too many times, I’ve sacrificed my well being over others and I didn’t even get a glimpse of gratitude from these people.
Would they help me if I was in need? If the answer is no, I think twice before helping.
I now stand up for myself when I feel that I’ve been treated unfairly, and it helped me a lot, because I use to be very frustrated by injustice.
The last thing I do is that I create proper boundaries with my surrounding. For example I use to take all my mother’s problems personally and worry about it. Now I refrain to ask her questions about things that she needs to solve on her own.
Oh I forgot the most important want, I don’t try to please everybody anymore. There always be people that don’t like me, so as long as I do what’s right in My book, I don’t care about that other’s think of me.
I’m not nice anymore, but I’m compassionate, empathic, and altruistic. I think my mission on earth is to help others, but in order to do so, I have to take care of myself and stay authentic to my values.
Posted on April 15, 2014, in A to Z Challenge and tagged anxiety-, AtoZ, AtoZchallenge, bullying, compassion, depression, hope, inner peace, lifestyle change., mental health, nice, recovery, relationship, self esteem, self improvement. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.