Blah!

I’m having a rough time… I guess I;m having some kind of relapse. I miss  my boyfriend, I miss my mom. I think my boyfriend is back to his normal life in Canada and maybe he doesn’t realize how much i need him. Can’t blame him but I’m scared I will go back to my bubble and not tell him about what’s going on with me. He thinks I’m not depressed anymore, I though I was too. I don’t wanna disappoint him and show him I’m not well , although he knows….What am I saying…maybe he’s just giving me my space for when I’m ready to talk… 

I don’t really have anything to tell him though.. I’m not doing shit.  I don’t know how I feel more comfortable talking about my feelings to other people, than I am to him. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to hurt him, because I know he’s hurt when he knows I’m not feeling well. He means everything to me and I’d like to protect him from my craziness..But we’re getting married so I guess he agreed to crazy…

I think that the fact that I’ve felt how it is to be normal (depression free) is making it harder for me to accept that I’m still in remission and that I will have bad days. Recovery is a long battle,and It’s important for me to remember that I’ve been trough the worse part. Now I just have to take it one day at a time and stop being so hard on myself. (Here I’m trying to give myself advises I would give to someone else.) It’s not easy to but with practice I think I can achieve it. 

“One is a great deal less anxious if one feels perfectly free to be anxious, and the same may be said of guilt.” 
― Alan Wilson WattsPsychotherapy East and West

I think this quote will help me and I hope it helps others that are reading me. 

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Posted on February 12, 2014, in Journal and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I understand your frustration. *hugs*

  2. Oh, I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. Thinking of you.

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