Bucket list #18 Write a letter to myself to be opened when the 1001 days is over
I have no idea where you will be in 1001 days. Today is December 17th 2017 (no special meaning to it don’t try remember what happened then..unless you check in your blog…see..old you was already smart ;). Right now I suffer from depression, I’ve been diagnosed a year ago…so I’m still kind of a rookie. But I got much better! I hope that you are feeling great now, that your depression is a thing of the past and look at it as an experience that save you life. Why am I saying that? How could suicidal idealization and self harm save your life? It made you who you are today! You are probably at McGill writing your honor thesis in psychology, no more time for blogging hunh? I hope you kept blogging because it really helped you!
So I was saying….If you didn’t get diagnosed with depression and weren’t forced to stop working you would still be in a corporation being miserable and too scared of quitting you journey of perfection. You have learned to be humble, you were never cocky and your self esteem was low, but you still managed to judge too quickly and lacked of tolerance. Since I started writing, amazing changes has happened to me! I feel like I matter, I’m actually using my free to be productive in a way that satisfies me. I’m sorry you will still be broke, my decision to go home for 5 months now wont help. But remember that education is an investment and your passion for mental health and social justice will make you thrive. You are probably freaking out about getting into McGill PhD program, don’t worry I haven’t started yet and I’m already going nuts about it. I think I’ve done enough worrying for us both and like my usual self you are probably ready to pass the GRE exam and I’m currently working on making a stellar dossier for the admission board.
What else? I think you are married now so congrats! If you are not, congrats too! I hope you will continue to travel the world and live in that unstable stability that is your life. Remember that if I have survived this depression you can conquer anything…I’m not saying this lightly, it is though to be mentally ill in a foreign country. It’s probably gonna be though back home too since I’m not gonna be able to talk freely about it, but I have my blog now so I will vent! And rant! And vent again! Until I find inner peace. I hope you are meditating and living mindfully, if not get back on it, your life is stressful and even though psychotherapy will arm you to deal better with stress you tend to get carried away in projects too quickly. Keep you intensity, just use it wisely. I can write pages to you…I wont shut up, so I hope you read the whole thing! You hear me? Don’t read it diagonally! Take your time, there is no need to rush.
Rushing through life is rushing toward death…Because that’s what at the end. Don’t be shocked by what I just said, I’m sure you wont be, if you are you need therapy baby! You have became one of those who cannot stand hearing the truth. How is Jack? Is he still adorable? Do you still call him puppy ? He’s five now I hope he learned something during the years…you know how hard headed this dog is. Give him a huge hug for me. Now go to your husband, kiss him,a real one,you need to keep your marriage alive.Do you have a kid? Any happy accident? Ok stop reading me now kiss you husband, call your friends,hug your dog, enjoy living.
I love you!
Posted on December 18, 2013, in Completed tasks (Bucket list), Journal and tagged anxiety-, bucket list, depression, future, letter, mental health, self compassion, self esteem. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.