Hey guys I need your advice

Tomorrow I’m seeing my psychologist, I’m in trouble :(. I’m gonna have to tell her about what happened Saturday night… I know she wont judge me but I feel like a kid who had a bad grade. On the upside I’ve worked on myself a lot this week so I’m gonna be able to share the insights with her.

I have a problem… I don’t know what to do, maybe you guys can help me. There is that girl who use to go to the depression and anxiety support group with me. We became friends pretty quickly and we got close. I haven’t heard from her in a month now… and I’m worried.I sent her a text message in October and she told me that she was busy with her kids and that her allergies were tiring her. She didn’t answer any other text message from me after that. I don’t know what to think…Did something happen to her or maybe she just doesn’t want to talk to me. 

She has two kids, a three year old girl and a 5 year old boy who’s autistic. She has been suffering from depression almost all her life and her relationship with her boyfriend wasn’t going well when I used to talk to her. The guy was emotionally abusive and he seemed to enjoy the fact that she had no self-esteem. He got mad when she decided to apply for university and every time she talked about leaving him he would tell her that he would leave her without a dime. She doesn’t work because the guy asked her to stay home about 5 years ago, he is making enough money to take care of both of them but he doesn’t declare all his revenues in his tax reports. She felt trapped and was getting more and more anxious about her situation. But every time she decided to leave him, he would promise her the world to make her stay and she would believe him. The last time we talked about her relationship, I referred her to a lawyer since she was eligible to get a free one. She went to the appointment with all the information then she told me that he started changing so she was going to stay. I said Okay and even though I was skeptic, I was actually pleased about the progress the guy was making hoping that they would get in a happy place. Since the group ended I haven’t heard from her. I know his boyfriend did not like her relationship with me so I’m wondering if it’s why she doesn’t talk to me anymore… But I’m also scared that she harmed herself because she had no support system and her family was her primary source of stress.

I don’t know what to do …. Should I try to call her or should I just let it go and let her live her life? I hope you guys will help me see clearer in this situation. 



Posted on November 26, 2013, in Journal and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. A phone call wouldn’t hurt, multiple calls however probably would. I would call once, and if she doesn’t answer, leave a message. Let her genuinely know that you’ve been thinking of her and missed her and just wanted to check in. If she can’t call, she won’t. But there may come a day when reaches out to you and even if she’s considering harm…. she knows someone still cares. Remember.. isolation is the lie of depression. Remind her that she’s not alone and that someone cares EVEN IF she doesn’t reciprocate. When people love us at our most unlovable times that is when true change takes place.

  2. I agree.Give her a call or drop her a card (by snail mail). You met her in a support group for people with anxiety and depression, and people with anxiety and depression often isolate. It’s natural that she wouldn’t respond, then. Plus, she’s busy with her children. But (since you asked for our advice) I recommend keeping the call light (or message, if you leave one). She may not be able to handle anything heavy right now. Just letting her know that you care will be enough.

    I have a very good friend of many years who is bipolar. When I was being diagnosed with MS, my youngest child was a baby. Without realizing it, a lot of our phone conversations had been tinged by my anxiety or exhaustion. One day she said to me that she’d asked her therapist for advice about what to do about a friend who was making her depressed. She didn’t tell me that I was that person, but I got the message. That was about 15 years ago and I’ve stopped telling her when I am worried or overwhelmed. She’s not the go-to person for that. Why? Because she has a serious mental health issue and she needs my support. I told her when I got cancer, and we shared lots of things with our kids, but I make sure that the conversations are not draining for her. I don’t expect her to do anything. I don’t lean on her. And that has worked out well.

    Sometimes it’s hard for two depressed or even just stressed people to be friends. So, if you reach out for her, maybe you can offer support or some encouragement. She might not be able to take anything more.

    I hope that she is okay.

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