Social event part 2
Sooooo I’m still at the party, in the basement, by myself. I had fun at the beginning, I was with people I was comfortable with and I actually made jokes laugh with other people and just enjoy myself.
I thought I was back! The depression was going away! I could enjoy a party! But nope other people came and my mood went down. I even lost interest in studying their behavior. I actually have a good sample of people: the self centered jerk, the girl who’s just mean, the superficial ones talking about going the the gym (with the self centered jerk). But I dont think I have the patience anymore to endure spending time with people that have nothing good to bring to my life.
The food was delicious though, and the music is good. I’m having some good alone time at the party. Maybe I went from being lonely to just enjoying being alone ? :). So yeah.. thats it for the night I think…. Maybe I should take a nap on their couch, would that be rude? Loool
Almost 2 am still at the party, like a spectator I’m observing the croud. Some people are dancing, otheres are talkingn everybody is having fun. What’s missing? I stayed away from my phone for a couple of hours trying to meddle with the other guests. Nada, no pleasure at all… Maybe not everybody have fun the same way. Is it ok to just want to writ or paint? Is it ok to want to dicuss meaningfull subjects…. Just to have fun? Why do I feel so strange?
I think I need new friends, maybe hang out with people who share the same interest as me… maybe that’s what the blog is all about after all. Writing makes me feel free.I feel like i’m not alone anymore eveif nobody’s reading.It has helped me resist suicide, and feel a little better about myself.